Friday, July 27, 2007

i always want more

somebody asked me today if there was room in my picture of PEACE for the notion that
*for the record, i don't think it was really a personal opinion, more just a question of clarity

peace = satisfaction

sorry, no room

sure, you can reach a certain level of comfortable acceptance of who you are and what you're doing and what you look like and what is and isn't happening
(i believe some people refer to this as inner peace?)

i was like this for a while
but then i started to realize that peace is less: how do you feel about yourself?
but: how do you feel about yourself as a participant in this world?

sure, this can be misdirected -
such as the peace a suicide bomber feels after he or she makes the anger-fueled decision to destroy one's own precious life and other innocent lives in order to come to terms with the idea that perhaps this is how life goes and this is the last action one can do about it
(it is amazing how ugly hate and anger can change a precious life into a weapon of destruction;
it is even more amazing how certain factors can push one to become so hateful and angry)

life "as it is going" should never be "how life goes"
shouldn't life always be evolving? changing? growing?

in this sense, how could one ever be satisfied?
subsequently, how could one ever feel at peace when all around you the world is in disarray
at the airport today, leanne witnessed soldiers who were either coming or going and went barely acknowledged by civilian passengers
(that budweiser commercial is a lie! and i cried over it!)
she was shocked
so was i
putting aside how i feel about the war, these are men and women who are doing something with their lives that i - and countless other americans - could never do (regardless of motivation) and i think that demands attention

once when i was younger, i was asked to describe myself and i said,
"i always want more"
my teacher scolded me and told me that i should be satisfied with what i have
maybe she misinterpreted what i meant by "more" but i was lectured into believing that i just have to accept life the way it is

satisfaction is not the pinnacle of achievement
peace is the pinnacle of achievement
(maybe unattainable, but who cares?)
and as people, we must always strive for more
more growth, more dreams, more life, more peace

actually, i am moved to think that,

ignorance = satisfaction

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