Thursday, July 26, 2007

weak sauce

this past week, a free adult english camp has been running in new brunswick for the spanish speaking immigrant community
my co-organizers and i have been developing this camp over the past few months and it has been quite the labor of love
we've been so proud of this work because it is one of the first times we are seeing our church partnering with another church in an attempt to reach out to a community unlike our own (primarily chinese-american),
for the purpose of a global church, unity, and social justice
it has been a thrill to see this project start as an idea and then develop into a full-fledged class

i have truly enjoyed the fruits of this ministry
sometimes when i watch the students and teachers at work, i can't help but think, "damn this is really happening!"
i love the volunteers, the students, the partner church we are working with, and all the stuff that has been happening

moreover, it's been great training for this peace corps thing
learning to deal with deadlines, organizing, conflicts of interest, last minute changes, being flexible, handling a huge endeavor with limited resources and time...
i voluntarily took on the role of logistics/administration primarily because i am not a great teacher and because i wanted to give to the project what i do best

but i must admit, today was hard
lots of stuff happened today/tonight that made me feel really young, really vulnerable, and really inexperienced
i panicked because it was becoming a fast reality that i am incredibly naive about the world and great endeavors and trials
correction: it did not make me feel really young, it made me realize that i am really young
i really am just a kid with a limited view of the world and minute understanding of people, society, culture, and human suffering

it makes me wonder...
can i do this?
how often will i cry?
will people respect me? my opinion? my knowledge?
what if they find out how little experience i have?
will they scoff at me?
will they just cast this little, naive, nerdy, inexperienced girl aside?

worse, what if i faint in the fields??

note to self: drink lots of water!!

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