funk

i've just wasted a day and a half completely engrossed in john steinbeck's east of eden. what a remarkable book which i now rank with my tops: lolita, one hundred years of solitude, the wind-up bird chronicle, the age of innocence, and the known world. it is such a gem when a book can take your breath away.

in the meantime, i've done nothing with myself and have been an invisible prsence here in the village. i feel pretty worthless which is a pretty shoddy feeling but i am feel blue and can't seem to shake myself out of it. i feel as though i've checked out and with the combination of prcrastinating farmers and "natural disasters" i am struggling to get myself motivated.

i got back only two days ago and came back to a dead pepiniere and everybody elses' accounts of how their pepinieres aren't sprouting or are getting eaten by something. i have very little seeds left so i fear redistributing for reseeding if they are only going to get eaten again. but then, what else can we do? i need to go and see all my farmers but i'm scared to face the facts and i'm scared i look like a joke.

yesterday i did some calisthenics and panted like a fattie which was prviately mortifying and now that mortification and the aches in my muscles are attempting to discourage me from getting myself physically healthy again.

i must pull myself out of this funk.